


"I've BEEN Here!"

by Moonluster



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! GX
Genre: Borderline Personality Disorder, Canon Compliant, Misawa has BPD, vent fic (kinda)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:22:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28476117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonluster/pseuds/Moonluster
Summary: Rating for explosive anger (potentially triggering). Little thing based off of Shou’s bad joke in S2 about not knowing Misawa was there whenever he shows up or makes an appearance--and the others (except Judai) playing along. As someone who has experienced something similar in my life, and understands how this feels, I thought I’d give him (and myself) a chance to vent. Positive side: Shou stops being an asshole and stops telling the horrid "joke".
Comments: 4
Kudos: 7





	"I've BEEN Here!"

**Author's Note:**

> If you see the notes about Misawa having BPD, this is correct: this is my personal headcanon and I cannot see/write him any other way. If that's not your cup of tea, I apologize.

Misawa was on his way to the Osiris Red dorm, to Jun’s room specifically, to tell the people there--Judai, Jun, Asuka, Shou, Tyranno--something he’d learned about the principals’ doings. He knew he could find them there nowadays, and they all enjoyed the unity and camaraderie they’d found with one another, regardless of rank. Especially since everything seemed to be going awry this year. 

He entered the room--which was more or less an apartment-type space--and everyone was there, gathered and talking. They didn’t seem to take notice of his presence until he called, “guys! I think I found out about something Chronos and Napoleon are planning!”

They all turned to him--except Shou, who took a split moment to give him his attention, and jested in a mocking tone, “oh, I didn’t know you were here!” 

For split second, the echoes of the same phrase that had been uttered rang in Misawa’s mind--as did remembering what he’d thought about what the underlying tone and phrasing of that joke meant: 

‘ _You’re forgettable. You don’t mean anything to these people, and your presence isn’t needed or wanted._ ’

Misawa grit his teeth and slammed the door behind him as he entered--which startled everyone, and Judai’s eyes found him from somewhere in the living room, “Misawa, what’s wrong?” 

Misawa’s breathing was ragged and he had his fists clenched, trying his best not to lash out at Shou with fists--knowing violence would solve nothing, and he would feel terribly guilty afterward. 

“Misawa?” Shou tried. 

At the sound of his voice, Misawa snapped. 

“I’ve BEEN here! I don’t know how many times I need to say it! Just because I’m not always around, doesn’t mean I’m not here!”

Shou stuttered while the others looked silently on--whether in shock or because they were waiting for the whole moment to play out, “I--I was kidding, Misawa...” 

Misawa pivoted and faced Shou, gritting teeth and seeing red, “if it’s supposed to be funny, then why am I not laughing?”

Shou’s eyes widened and a strangled squeak escaped his throat as he was faced with Misawa’s agonized rage.

“You saying this every time I show up says a lot about you and the others here. That I am no one, I mean nothing, I’m forgettable! When everyone here treats me like an ‘other’ or plays along with that idiotic ‘joke’, it tells me that my presence is not needed or wanted.” 

At this point, he could feel hot pressure behind his eyes but he bade himself not to show anything besides this anger until after.

He faced the rest of the room, declaring his feelings loudly, “and I believe it! Ever since this year started, everyone has been ignoring me, treating me like I don’t exist, even though I’m here with you all! Do you know how alienating and lonely it is to be with people but feel even more alone than if I were to be by myself?!” 

Misawa took a quick breath and sighed, his eyes finding Judai as his voice quieted to betrayal and sadness, “and out of all people, Judai...I thought you would stand up against it. I guess I was wrong.”

He turned his back on the group and made his way back to the door, opening it and turning back to face the room, glancing at Shou, whose head was hung with his eyes low, “Good luck standing up against the tyrant principals. I’ll just pretend it’s not happening like you all pretend I’m not part of this group.” 

He didn’t stay to hear any arguments to the contrary and again slammed the door behind him.

He broke into a run, fighting tears all the way until he got back to his own dorm, sure the others were laughing at him and relieved he was gone. 

...

In the meantime, Misawa’s words were hanging in the air over everyone’s heads and worming their way into their hearts. 

Shou brought an arm up to cover his eyes and he whimpered out, “I...I didn’t know he felt like that. If he would’ve told me ‘stop’, I would have...”

Judai, having been one of the people Misawa had pointedly looked at, stood with eyes averted, speaking to the room, “we need to watch how we talk about our friends--joke or not if it ends up hurting one of us; it’s not funny anymore.”

“Agreed,” Asuka added quietly. 

Jun said nothing and Tyranno nodded silently. 

Judai approached Shou, who was sobbing from utter guilt and the aftereffects of being the center of the room’s attention, “Shou, don’t make that joke anymore. I know you didn’t mean it, but he took it to heart.” 

“What’ll we do now?” Asuka asked, her attention on Judai, “Misawa is one of our most valuable people in this fight...and as a friend, too.” 

Judai turned back to face her briefly, “I need to go talk to him.” 

He turned to Shou, “Shou, you’re coming with me.” 

“I...I planned on it. I need to say sorry,” Shou sniffled, “I didn’t mean for the joke to go that far.” 

Judai gave him a small smile and patted his shoulder, “hey, don’t beat yourself up over it--we all mess up.” 

Jun commented, “we’ll wait until you get back to discuss anything. Bring Misawa with you too, if you can, because he had something to say about the principals.” 

“Right! Let’s go, then.” Judai and Shou made their way out and left the room, making their way to the Ra Yellow dorms. 

  
\---------

Misawa was curled against himself as he sat on his bed, face hidden in his arms that rested on his knees as he fought angry, bitter, sorrowful tears. Guilt seeped in for his outburst. He normally would never lash out against someone like that, and he was sure he looked like a fool; more so than he likely already did. 

_I should’ve just stayed quiet...I should’ve kept it to myself...it’s not like they’d care to hear me, anyway. What did I think shouting at them would do?_

Before he knew it, there was a knock on his door. 

He stilled himself and raised his head slowly, looking absently at the door and waiting to see if anyone would call from the outside. 

“Misawa? Are you here?” 

Judai was the one who’d spoken. 

Misawa sighed at the sound of his voice, almost relieved, but his guilt wouldn’t let him be. 

“Shou is here, too...can we come in?” Judai asked gently.

Misawa was silent for a moment, then replied, wiping at his face, “yeah.” 

Judai and Shou entered, finding him. 

He stood stalwart, facing them with reservation, a small bit of anger making a comeback. 

He asked, steely, “what is it?”

Judai nudged Shou forward. Shou was shaking, eyes were red and swollen.

“Misawa...I’m sorry for what I said...I didn’t realize you felt like that when I told the joke, I won’t do it ever again,” he took his glasses off and wiped away at his eyes with a sleeve, sniffling.

Judai nodded, adding as he looked at Misawa, “and I’m sorry I wasn’t more firm in standing up to the others. I don’t want to see any of my friends hurt, even by my other friends. I’m also sorry that you feel...not included or not wanted; it’s not true.” 

Misawa pursed his lips and he averted his eyes, trying to resist the urge to cry again. 

The apologies seemed heartfelt and hearing them speak so honestly filled him with relief and a sense of forgiveness. 

He cleared his throat and faced them, feeling tears lingering at the edges of his eyes, “and I...am sorry for the way I acted back there. I didn’t know what came over me, I was just so angry...” 

Shou, unable to take the emotional state of the situation, ran to Misawa and hugged him, crying into his coat and shouting his sorries. 

Judai’s expression softened as he approached Misawa too, and put a hand on his shoulder, giving him a reassuring smile, “you’re one of our friends, and you always will be. Don’t forget it.” 

“You guys...” the tears spilled over and he returned Shou’s hug gently. 

Judai gave him a hug of his own and Misawa accepted it with reverence. 

He’d been wrong to lash out, but without it, he wouldn’t have this. 

Forgiveness. Reconnection. Understanding. 

It’d been a hard year and it’d been even hard feeling like a stranger to those he cared about and who he was assured, cared for him in return, but now...it would be much easier. 

He knew where he stood, and that he was indeed valued as both a part of the group and as a person. 

“C’mon, let’s go back. The others wanted to hear what you had to say about the principals,” Judai encouraged as he pulled away. 

Shou also let go of Misawa, continuing to sniffle and wipe his tears off his face. 

Misawa nodded, doing his own tear removal, “yeah, I don’t know how helpful it will be but it’s worth putting out there.” 

“Great! Let’s go,” Judai repeated, bounding out of the room, then faced the two as they trailed behind.

Misawa gave Judai a small smile, silently showing his thanks, and Judai winked, acknowledging it. 

He’d never been more grateful for times like these, and he would better learn to cherish them. 

**Author's Note:**

> Lesson to be learned: it’s not funny to jokingly alienate people/tell them how forgettable they are. That shit hurts. I normally like Shou but I really wished someone would tell him to shut the fuck up asfjksdfjk  
> Also NORMALIZE BOYS HUGGING AND CRYING. 
> 
> That is all.


End file.
